frustration

well, another attempt at blogging. don't know how it will go this time either - i don't know if i'm cut out for this kind of thing. it's been so long since i've thought about actually writing, i couldn't even find this silly blog. but, i guess i need to find my voice. i know i have some things to say. once again, i hope no one finds this or follows. why don't i just write in a journal and make sure it's private? never to be found? maybe i will. blogging, i think there's some value in it - but my frustration now is it seems in order to be a successful blogger, you have to be a mom, a photographer and take pictures of your food, along with everything else. it seems everyone has become their own personal Better Homes & Garden magazine editor, and although I really like some of those blogs, it just kinda irritates me that that's the trend ( i dislike trends). i am a mom, and i can be a pretty good cook, i just don't like the idea of taking pictures of my food to show how amazing it might be. and, i have an issue with food right now, as food is rarely my friend - so many allergies, so many intolerance's, so many stomach aches. well, i guess what i wanted to talk about today is "social anxiety". what an ugly phrase. it's ugly because of what it means. i used to think that people who had social anxiety were somehow weak, and maybe crazy - i mean, who gets anxious about being with people? i am an innie (introvert), so people can wear me out, but, this anxiety thing is a whole different matter. it's like having chronic fatigue and you think that sleep will make it better but it doesn't. now, i would actually like to spend some time with people, and i'm feeling a bit isolated, although the idea of being with people feels a bit poisonous, very overwhelming. no body talks about this. and i wonder who knows what to do with it?? it's very uncomfortable. it's not who i am, but i am stuck with it at the moment and it seems to be taking over.