it's a super beautiful, warm, calm, spring evening - the kind that are my favorite. as i walked outside in my back garden (one of my most favorite places), i was quite sad to see my roses were all dried, pale, wind-blown - they had prematurely aged from the harsh elements, hanging lifeless on their bushes. my youngest, sweet man-cub, who is miserable at the moment with allergy-causing asthma, plus a nasty cold on top of it, plus a bad dose of missing his dad who's been traveling toooo long, said, "do you think i'll get better soon?" but then a tear fell down his cheek, i looked again at the miserable, parched roses, and realized we all felt the same: dried, pale, sagging. i hugged him, and i think that made me feel better, not sure about him, and my roses were still sad. i guess i had one of those 'everything has a season' and 'this too shall pass' moments, but that kinda irritated me too, for just sounding too cliche in my already broken, tired head.
i tried to tell a friend today about some of my lyme symptoms, something i don't do very often, because, well, people tend not to hear... then, the vulnerable thing you just brought up, leaves you feeling even more vulnerable than before. i SO do not want to be a victim in all this, i really don't feel like a victim; i do feel lonely and isolated. i know it's very hard to understand all this lyme stuff, but it's also hard not to be understood. and that's where i'm at today. and where i've been for a while. little bit of grace in my heart, covered by a dried rose in my hair.
how stupid.
Please write. I will read. And there are those walking this path also that you will touch with your courage, your grace & your faith as He sends them your way. I will be praying with the "troops" for the next 2 weeks. I still consider myself a "wam-er" even though it is totally vicarious. Staying at your house when Anna was born and setting off the alarm in the van at midnight, living on the base for the 3 weeks they were in SA, both kids meeting their spouses there just makes me feel connected. Know who I am now ;)? You have blessed our family so much and your faithfulness to the journey is inspiring. He spoke creation and the written account is living and sharp. We partner with Him speaking and writing and like the line in The Desert Song--"I know I'm filled to be emptied again, the seeds I've received I will sow"--He has given you so much to pour out. Keep writing and we'll be reading and praying.
ReplyDeleteoh, dear Sweet friend - how did you find me? well, it's nice to be found by you. you and your hubby and kids are also a huge part of us - i wish we could all just get together and have a fun bbq or something! Thanks so much for the encouragement, it means so much to me! Thanks for the prayers, they're working!
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